I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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