what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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