i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
A bitchslap is in order.
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