my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
