now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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