Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
