i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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