I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
