just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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