Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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