I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
