I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I forget how to act sober
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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