then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize