Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
