Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
