what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
