***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
