ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
