Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
