There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize