??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
