we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
