Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
