I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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