Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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