just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
