im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
