so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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