____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
