they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
