you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
