I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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