couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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