I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
