I don't usually arrange sex via text message
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
