***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
