so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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