Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
