My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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