Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
