R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
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