Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
