i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
