why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
In other news, I just burned my penis
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
