I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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