Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
