Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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