tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
