the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
