her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
