We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
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that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
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Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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