there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
