I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
