you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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