you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
