your parents love me but you hate me
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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