There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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