a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Randomize
