i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
