yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
