I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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