i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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