Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
