It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Randomize
